*all photos in this post were taken by Boston-area photographer JMP Image. Book her for your next shoot!
How To Keep Going When You Want to Say F*ck It
Friends, this will be my most honest post ever. As many of you know, I’ve been candid about my battles with depression and anxiety. That being said, embarking on this journey to becoming an entrepreneur has not be easy. Entrepreneurs who are not predisposed to anxiety and depression often develop one or the other because entrepreneurship is really hard. For people like me, it’s almost a given to battle both issues during such a trying a time. The unknown aspects of this journey often leave me feeling panicked and incredibly worried about the decisions I’ve made.
Now let me pause for a moment, and just say that this post is not about throwing myself a pity party. I know I am blessed beyond measure. However, I know we often see bloggers and compare our lives to what they present on social media, and I want to always be open and real with you guys. It ain’t all golden, and I know some of you will relate to what I’m sharing.
So here I am, a year into being a full-time entrepreneur, and feeling as though I haven’t quite accomplished what I set out to do. And since I’m not currently consulting, all the money I make comes from writing for other publications and working with brands. Depending on someone else to keep the money flowing was not a part of the plan. We’ve also sacrificed a lot. We don’t go on vacations, I work 7 days a week, and my son only goes to preschool part time (P.S. watch his first day by clicking HERE.)
I sometimes feel that I am working myself to death and I don’t quite know what for. Last weekend, I cried off and on. I was worried about finances and not being able to give my son all the extras he deserves. I was also feeling disappointed in my social media numbers, as the views on my youtube channel simply don’t match the work I put into creating content.
I mean, I work THIS hard and have THIS much education, why am I not Oprah?
And then I had a moment. I received some disappointing news and found myself on the brink. I honestly thought my head would explode, but JB was right next to me and insisted we play tickle monster. I wanted so much to just sit there and weep and curse God and myself for taking such a huge risk. But I couldn’t. My son was with me. He wanted to play tickle monster and go outside and play in the sandbox. So that’s what I did. I did not give in. God told me, even when I wanted to,
“Don’t give in, I got you.”
And I am no Holy roller. I don’t read the Bible, and I barely go to church. But I am a believer. When all else fails, that tiny thread of hope pushes me. When I think I could just lay down and die, that itty bitty teeny tiny bit of hope helps me to move forward.
The realty is, no matter how upset we get we don’t die. Thinking you might die or worrying yourself crazy doesn’t change anything. And thinking that you can control when what’s meant for you comes to pass is also a waste of time.
So what do you do when you want to say F*ck it? You don’t. You breathe. You let the emotions wash over you. You go for a walk. You take a shower. You watch your favorite TV show. You know that nothing lasts forever and things do change.
A few minutes after I took JB for a walk and played tickle monster, I received a total of 5 brand contracts. Yes, folks, the dollars are coming in. Why did that happen? Because even when I wanted to freak-the-hell-out, I gave God and the Universe the opportunity to work its magic.
DO. NOT. GIVE.IN.EVER.
I know it’s easier said than done, I know it. But when you want to give in all you have to do is breathe.
Everything will be okay.