*Photos in this post were taken by Boston-based photographer, Kaiser of www.vlkaiserphotography.com, be sure to book him for your next shoot!
There comes a point in many a woman’s life when she simply has to be honest with herself about who she is and where is in life.
I’ve been calling myself an introvert now for the last few years, and it sort of applies. I find most social situations draining. I prefer one-on-one interaction to group interaction. My mother-in-law recently asked if I miss seeing and talking to people everyday (I work from home), and my response was a firm: no. I have zero interest in meeting folks for coffee and chatting aimlessly. I’m never lonely and I’m never bored. But when it really comes down to it, the truth is, I just don’t fuck with people all like that anymore.
Here’s the thing: I went through a series of traumatic AF friendship breakups in my early to mid 20s. Of course, I rebounded and continue to have a solid group of sister-friends, but experiences like that change your perception of friendship forever. You become more guarded and more aware of who you are. You become better at choosing people who speak to who you are at the core. And that’s the great thing about friends: you choose them. And if and when those relationships no longer align with who and where you are in life, you are under no obligation to continue them.
I’m really unapologetic about ending relationships that no longer serve me these days. Not that it happens too frequently, thank God, but if I had to, I probably wouldn’t lose too much sleep over it. I know, it sounds so so cold, but it’s the truth. I don’t subscribe to all that,”If you’re friends you’re supposed to talk it out,” nonsense. Says who? And Why? Misunderstandings can be discussed, but having your needs met and fulfilled is something folks either have the capacity to do or they don’t. Having a draining, and dramatic conversation isn’t something I have the time or energy for these days. If it’s over, we’re not going to talk about it. I’ll let you go with light and love, and hope that perhaps in the future we’ll be on the same page again. #notea #noshade.
Now back to the question at hand: Why don’t I Fuck With People All Like That Anymore?
- I don’t have a lot to give. There was a point in my life when I was the last on my list of priorities. I knew everyone’s birthday, and had gifts selected and wrapped months in advance. I called people all the time to check in and get caught up on anything and everything going on in their lives. Then I had my son, and nothing else really matters anymore. It’s January 4th and our Christmas cards still haven’t gone out yet. Get my point?
- Since I don’t have a lot to give, I don’t expect a lot. Just act like you give a shit every once in a while. And if you know me, you know my love language. I’m not at the point in my life where I want to teach people how to love me.
- Life is seasonal. You can be on the same page as someone for years and years, and then your life takes a different turn and you become like strangers. It happens, and it’s no one’s fault. Having lived through enough seasons, I believe in always keeping the door open for seasonal changes. As long as the person hasn’t exhibited deviant behavior, I’m always happy to reconnect years later.
- I operate a lot based on the energy a person exudes. So if during our time together, our energy doesn’t quite mesh, I don’t force it.
- I’m not guided by or beholden to history. The length of time someone has been in my life doesn’t make me hang on any tighter. It may make me sad, and I may even go into a brief period of mourning, but what we may have had in the past doesn’t negate where we are today. If the vibe ain’t quite right today, I’m okay with acknowledging that fact, and letting the universe or God decide our future.
- My self-care is paramount to any relationship I have. I will not continue to or engage in a relationship that threatens my own emotional well-being. It’s up to me to decide what that may be, and no one should be mad about it.
- I believe in the freedom of choice. If a person has exercised their free-will to behave in ways that don’t quite make me feel loved, I don’t feel any qualms about exercising my own free-will to choose relationships that are a better fit. #noteanoshade, but we all have to do what’s best for our own well-being.
- People are assholes, myself included. We’re all wrapped up in our own shit and folks gotta get in where they fit in.
While this post may not quite show it, I love friendship and believe friendships to be incredibly important. I am beyond grateful for the people who continue to love and support me by choice. That being said, we’re all human with human emotions, with busy and complicated lives. I think we’d all do better to remember that we’re all just trying figure things out, and therefore set our expectations accordingly. This ain’t Sex And The City and this ain’t Girlfriends. This is life.