Why I Don’t F*#k With People All Like That Anymore

*Photos in this post were taken by Boston-based photographer, Kaiser of www.vlkaiserphotography.com, be sure to book him for your next shoot!

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There comes a point in many a woman’s life when she simply has to be honest with herself about who she is and where is in life.

I’ve been calling myself an introvert now for the last few years, and it sort of applies. I find most social situations draining. I prefer one-on-one interaction to group interaction. My mother-in-law recently asked if I miss seeing and talking to people everyday (I work from home), and my response was a firm: no. I have zero interest in meeting folks for coffee and chatting aimlessly.  I’m never lonely and I’m never bored. But when it really comes down to it, the truth is, I just don’t fuck with people all like that anymore.

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Boots can be purchased HERE or Similar HERE| Similar Jeans can be purchased HERE| Poncho can be purchased HERE or a similar one HERE.

Here’s the thing: I went through a series of traumatic AF friendship breakups in my early to mid 20s. Of course, I rebounded and continue to have a solid group of sister-friends, but experiences like that change your perception of friendship forever. You become more guarded and more aware of who you are. You become better at choosing people who speak to who you are at the core. And that’s the great thing about friends: you choose them. And if and when those relationships no longer align with who and where you are in life, you are under no obligation to continue them.

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Similar Jeans can be purchased HERE| Poncho can be purchased HERE or a similar one HERE.

I’m really unapologetic about ending relationships that no longer serve me these days. Not that it happens too frequently, thank God, but if I had to, I probably wouldn’t lose too much sleep over it. I know, it sounds so so cold, but it’s the truth. I don’t subscribe to all that,”If you’re friends you’re supposed to talk it out,” nonsense. Says who? And Why? Misunderstandings can be discussed, but having your needs met and fulfilled is something folks either have the capacity to do or they don’t. Having a draining, and dramatic conversation isn’t something I have the time or energy for these days.  If it’s over, we’re not going to talk about it. I’ll let you go with light and love, and hope that perhaps in the future we’ll be on the same page again. #notea #noshade.

Similar Jeans can be purchased HERE| Poncho can be purchased HERE or a similar one HERE.

Now back to the question at hand: Why don’t I Fuck With People All Like That Anymore?

  • I don’t have a lot to give. There was a point in my life when I was the last on my list of priorities. I knew everyone’s birthday, and had gifts selected and wrapped months in advance. I called people all the time to check in and get caught up on anything and everything going on in their lives. Then I had my son, and nothing else really matters anymore. It’s January 4th and our Christmas cards still haven’t gone out yet. Get my point?
  • Since I don’t have a lot to give, I don’t expect a lot. Just act like you give a shit every once in a while. And if you know me, you know my love language. I’m not at the point in my life where I want to teach people how to love me.
  • Life is seasonal. You can be on the same page as someone for years and years, and then your life takes a different turn and you become like strangers. It happens, and it’s no one’s fault. Having lived through enough seasons, I believe in always keeping the door open for seasonal changes. As long as the person hasn’t exhibited deviant behavior, I’m always happy to reconnect years later.
  • I operate a lot based on the energy a person exudes. So if during our time together, our energy doesn’t quite mesh, I don’t force it.
  • I’m not guided by or beholden to history. The length of time someone has been in my life doesn’t make me hang on any tighter. It may make me sad, and I may even go into a brief period of mourning, but what we may have had in the past doesn’t negate where we are today. If the vibe ain’t quite right today, I’m okay with acknowledging that fact,  and letting the universe or God decide our future.
  • My self-care is paramount to any relationship I have.  I will not continue to or engage in a relationship that threatens my own emotional well-being. It’s up to me to decide what that may be, and no one should be mad about it.
  • I believe in the freedom of choice. If a person has exercised their free-will to behave in ways that don’t quite make me feel loved, I don’t feel any qualms about exercising my own free-will to choose relationships that are a better fit. #noteanoshade, but we all have to do what’s best for our own well-being.
  • People are assholes, myself included. We’re all wrapped up in our own shit and folks gotta get in where they fit in.

    Boots can be purchased HERE or Similar HERE| Similar Jeans can be purchased HERE| Poncho can be purchased HERE or a similar one HERE.

While this post may not quite show it, I love friendship and believe friendships to be incredibly important. I am beyond grateful for the people who continue to love and support me by choice. That being said, we’re all human with human emotions, with busy and complicated lives. I think we’d all do better to remember that we’re all just trying figure things out, and therefore set our expectations accordingly.  This ain’t Sex And The City and this ain’t Girlfriends. This is life.

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Well Hello! My name is Lisa and you’ve stumbled upon my own little corner of the world. I’m a lipstick-loving, high heel junkie, mom, and wife. When I’m not here bringing you the latest in beauty, fashion, hot topics, and bits and pieces of my life with my family, you can find me over on youtube swatching lipsticks and sharing my latest natural hairstyles. Make sure you also follow me on Instagram and Snapchat under my brand name Lisa A La Mode. I’m a real person. I promise.

111 Comments
  1. I’m in this same boat Lisa. Both with friends and Family. I couldn’t agree with you more and am happy to see someone else share and ahow that it is all ok and tis thing called LIFE has its own way. Thanks for this. Sharing it asap!

  2. OMG this post was written for me!! Every single word! I am tired of always being the one giving but never receiving ( both family & friends). I decided to finally make the change starting January 1st 2017; it’s going to be all about me ( my husband, my kids & I).
    Thank u for this. Happy New Year Lisa, all the best in 2017.

  3. I love the to the point bluntness of this article Lisa. I be out here telling bae I don’t need friends like that because it’s just too much. I’m good all by myself and value the friendships that I do have. Friendships should definitely exist by choice not by anything artificial. Love this and will be reading the linked articles for more.

  4. This post is everything. It embodies everything that I feel, and speak about when others ask me why I don’t hang out with a lot of people. Thanks for the message👌🏾

  5. If I had a husband and child I wouldn’t give a damn either. Hopefully some day soon…being that this is my attitude towards most things in my life lol. People are definitely selfish assholes

  6. I always attract people wanting to start up a friendship. Reason being, I am the true definition of a friend. However, I keep my circle small so I am labeled antisocial. Friendship must be reciprocated. I have a low tolerance for those that don’t treat me the way I deserve to be treated, the way I treat them and I don’t have time to teach someone how to be a friend.

  7. I agree with you 100%.
    Sometimes we have to learn to “live and let live.” Friendships and relationships can be draining and at times we can become so consumed with others lives, that we tend to forget about our own mental, emotional, and physical health.

  8. #noshadenotea….. you said that!!!! This is one powerful and truthful article…This is where I am in my life for the past 6 years.

  9. I’ve read a few of your post in the last few months, but this by far is the one that relates to me best and why I am choosing to rank this one higher than the rest. I’m looking forward to the day I can come into my own and reprioritize. Again like you said everything is a season and so are relationships no matter what kind of relationship. Thank You!

  10. Girl this is so well written and articulates my exact sentiments! I have had my ups and downs with friendships but as I get older I have a better sense on who needs to stay and who needs to go. My b.s. filter is on high alert. I too have no qualms about cutting a connection that no longer serves me. Too old for the foolery. However, I am forever grateful for the very few ride or die’s I have in my life. Great post Lisa! I just love your writing style, very conversational, genuine, and to the point! Keep doing you boo!!! 🙂

    Roni
    http://www.stylenpoise.com

  11. I was laughing as I read this because this is exactly how I am. I have three friends. That’s all I need. Everyone else is an acquaintance and as much as I may like some of them they are expendable. I am not one to cry and ask why if someone falls out of my life. I say they must have their reasons and keep it pushing. Don’t get me wrong I did used to worry about that stuff in my teens and early 20s. When I hit my 30s I realized that consumed too much energy. Energy that I needed to put into myself and my family.
    ShawnTe Pierce recently posted…So Long 2016 and Hello 2017My Profile

  12. I’m 24 now and stared thinking like this in high school lol. I dig this so much and this is definitely how I feel. I like being social, I’m friendly, I hanging out, and having fun, BUT I don’t have any room in my life for meaningless conversations, dead weight or unsupportive people, the slightest sign of drama, or pettiness. My tolerance for foolishness has gotten SO low and I love it. Great post, this definitely hits home!

    -Kendro

    http://www.thekendroshow.com

    http://www.kltartbykendro.com

  13. This was amazing Lisa. I felt like that for years and finally ok with not caring about what people think or say. I have went though so much with family and friends. Not dealing with thoses negative people has made me a better person. Thank you so much for this. Reading this made me feel like I’m not the only one. XO I heart you Lisa

  14. Sister, this spoke truth on so many levels. Keep doing you, who’s meant to be in your life, the universe allows.

  15. I can relate to this post! I have felt like this with people as my energy / spirit evolved I noticed that I grew apart from certain people and as I am still in my 20s I find it necessary to let go of certain “friendships” that no longer align themselves with my vibration and vice versa!

  16. Hi Lisa,

    Great article! At the age of 35 this is where I am. It actually made me sad to come to terms with it but it felt good to say it aloud!

  17. This really hits home for me because I have become pretty isolated from family because they live far and friends because I have been focused on school. I just graduated and now I see who was there and who wasnt. There’s no crowd on the leading edge so I just work on becoming the best me- for me and my son. Thank you!

  18. LOl, like everyone else, I can relate. I don’t think people realize that for some people they feel other’s energy and they can be drained by it. In all honesty, I can do the alone thing just fine, but my mother would think that is weird. It’s not weird, I don’t need to have someone present to be spouting stuff just to make noise. When I’m good and ready, I hang out with my friends, message them or interact with them. We are all different, some like to be with people 24/7 and some just want peace and quiet.

    Great post.

  19. I thought it was just me. You put into EXACT words how I feel at this present time. I once had a ton of friends and now I have maybe one and a possible and I’m totally OK with that. It seems strange to other people but I’m glad to know that other people out there DO understand.

    I love this blog! 😁

  20. “People are assholes, myself included. We’re all wrapped up in our own shit and folks gotta get in where they fit in.”

    Love, Love, Love this statement!!! Far too many seem to think they don’t stink!!

  21. So well written and rocked my spirit! I’ve been feeling this way for quite sometime, but thought I was wrong for feeling it, so I never expressed it. My best friend died 13 years ago at the age of 25. It was only last year that I realized that I will never have a bond like that again. Unconditional, sisterly love. Never again. I finally mourned that thought, and have moved on. I continue to vibrate higher.

  22. I totally agree with you Lisa. I will be 40 this year and I just don’t have time for shenanigans. Some friends keep records of who called who last. I don’t have time for that. I am a mom to 3 young children, wife, full time job, and so.on……….. If you have something to say call me if I have something to say I will call you. I love you and true friends reconnect each time they meet to talk even if it’s once a year.

  23. And this is 100 truth. Omg. I love your honesty. I went through this a few years back and couldn’t put it into words at the time but I simply grew up. overnight. I was done. My life changed drastically for the better and I chose to leave some key ppl & situations behind. I know many were shocked & saddened I fell back so hard, but it had to happen, for my well being. I needed to learn more about me & do me. And that’s what I did. I’mnotsorry. Years later the door is open for reconnecting but I’m still taking things slow…in due time. I’m at peace with that finally. Great article!

  24. See and I thought I was becoming “the weird person””, I dont have the head space 4 a bunch nonsense anymore, so I do me. Im even starting 2 do it @ work as well, I work with all women (u know thats daily drama) so I just keep quiet and BE UN- BOTHERED, they keep asking me are u SICK, I REALLY WANT 2 RESPOND WITH “NO IM JUST OVER U & ALL OF UR BS” (LOL)…BUT THNX LOVE 4 THE CONFIRMATION THAT ITS NOT ME IT’S THEM (LOL)…BTW LOVE UR NAME 😍

  25. You articulated my feelings so perfectly…..I love my introvert…. life is too short and all of my relationships must have meaning, purpose….and I just don’t give a fuck anymore…..thank you. 44 yo and loving my wisdom and choices. I choose who is in my life and have no bones about it. It took a lot of pain to get there and I cherish it.

  26. Sounds like you and I could be soul mates. I had to keep checking back to make sure you really penned this post and not me. Kept asking myself why you were so openly telling my business on social media and so blatantly talking about me. Thank you for sharing me. I’m here if you ever wanna hit me up. We could Not give a f— together.

  27. This entire post sounds like me. Lovely. Choosing myself isn’t a crime and I don’t feel sorry about letting go of friendships that no longer suit me. I’ve been spending my late 20s getting rid of people that I don’t mesh with anymore. Energy vampire. Fake friends. Whatever you want call them. The point is im no longer apologizing for loving myself. That’s what this has been all about. I’ve always been pretty confident but I spent my early 20s being insecure based on others (boyfriends, friends, bosses, coworkers, teachers, roomies) beliefs about me. I’ll be 30 in a few months and I want to continue to be the best version of myself. I choose me and if you’re not ok with that, that’s your problem. Again, this was such a great read. Something I would write myself. Sending you lots of love.

  28. HA, wish my mother could read this as I am ging through something similar right now. Well, I’m already done really but I think she is still going through it via me (if you get what I’m saying). Either way, love this post. I think a lot of people can relate

  29. This is EXCELLENT! You have encapsulated everything that I had been thinking and could not put into words.

  30. I loved the article, you have described me so well in this article, I love friendship but quality friendship. I don’t like large gatherings with a whole bunch of people trying to impress each other. I have no problem unfriending someone if they’re not good energy in my life anymore. I have no problem doing stuff by my self because, I like my own company. Great article, thanks!

  31. Lisa, I like your post. For the first time in years, I’ve finally found someone who feels the same as I do. Yes is Love friendships but I stop forcing friendships a long time ago, it takes to much engery and requires too much time. I know my season is as changing when I was out with friends thinking all the things I could be doing. I like you like one-on-one connections myself, 8 females out chatting normally about their man, kids, and work. I need better conversations, like how we can invest our money, become a entrepreneur. You and I both know if we starting a a women about her man, kids and job, she’ll go off, not realizing she just asked you your opinion. Those forced interactions are too exhausting for me. Thanks again for this article, #YourWordsMeantALot !!!!

  32. I just began to speak in tongues and I don’t even know how. This began about three years ago when I became introvert with extrovert tendencies. I was told by my cousin that when people no longer serve a purpose (I emphasize the word purpose) there is no reason to try and force something that may have very well ran its course. I love being in my own company, many people don’t or can’t but I have come to realize that it’s not my job to fix it. This post is definitely confirmation for me. 🙋🏾🙌🏾👏🏾🤗

  33. I completely agree with this post. Like you I have had my fair share of friendship drama that I gave up on having friends all together. I do not have the time or the energy to “fix” the situations. I didn’t break it so I am not spending time to fix it.

  34. My sentiments exactly! I just relayed like-message the other day!
    Life-relationships are constantly transitioning.
    You have to find, value and love You first that’s when Peace will land on your doorstep!
    I let God and the Universe decide who I let in–if they fit in!

    Blessings.
    Enjoyed your article

  35. This is so me. People confuse me for being mean, I know me to be direct and honest. I’m a mother now, my time is consumed with trying to help them become descent human beings. I have very little time to invest in people that drain me. We either vibe or we don’t. Have good friends, some friendships go back 35 years, 27 years but don’t require everyday or weekly nurturing. When we catch up, it’s epic. After those moments is back to my life, and that box doesn’t consist of many. Just my immediate family. So love you for helping me to understand that I’m not the only damn one who thinks like this.

  36. This is a perfect depiction of exactly where I am in life right now at 24. Either hop on the train or get left. Positive vibes/energy (from others and myself) and (personal) self-care are top of my list. And if you’re interfering with either…you can kindly exit right. Those on the same wavelength will understand and only aid in this lifestyle not hinder it. End.Of.Story.

  37. So me and has been for a very long time.. It wasn’t sad or hurtful to cut folks off. What was hurtful was holding on to the one sided friendship where I was the only one cultivating it and being used at another’s convenience… Funny how folks get butt hurt when you give them the boot but they were only there to serve their own need of what I had that they benefited off of… I became deathly ill and no one person reached out.. I’m speaking of so called friends and relatives.. I call them relatives because family would have been there.. These folks I’m merely related to by blood or marriage showed their true colors and now that I am alive, well and doing me on my terms not rendering a helping hand on the fly like I always did in the past, I’m acting shady and new… Okay… so be it and carry on… I never needed them, they always needed my help so to not even call or stop by to check on me?? Please… Keep it moving in the opposite direction.. I have no rap whatsoever at this point and don’t see myself having much if any going forward….

  38. I agree with everything you said. I’ts not rocket science and there are no hard feelings. People change and grow. Their interests change and grow.ife happens to affect those things that are, for the most part, no One’s fault…. it’s just life. Where we all get into trouble is when we “force” friendships, love interests, feelings and affections. YOU CANNOT FORCE ANYTHING. Move on with your life and stop wasting time on things that are out of your control. You’ll never win. You and everyone else will be miserable, resentful, and eventually hateful. Don’t let friends or live interests get to that point. Take your life in another direction. Meet new people, do exciting new things, and love new people.

  39. #facts. Love it. People change and I have grown so I allow people to be who they are. I do not sweat anyone. #focused.

  40. I love you! This article! Were you in my head, are you peeking thru my window! I’m sharing this over and over. I just had this conversation with my sister. I just posted a meme today pretty much saying what you said BUT you said oh so well!! Thank you!!

  41. My sister just forwarded this to me with the caption “this is so US”…and yassssa it is!!! This gave me sooooo much life darling!!! U r now a sista in our heads xoxoxox Vonetta

  42. Amazing and true read exactly my thoughts and feelings today. So real and I will share because it’s like me speaking this. Blessings and share more.💁🏾

  43. I’ve been going through a similar let go process of my own, with a 21 year old friendship. I realized that I was always there for her big events in life, but I always had to beg for her to show up for mine with “No Avail”.
    My family and I decided to move away and I am happy with starting anew. Life is wonderful without the unneeded stress of explaining myself. I thank God for the Blessings and Strength to let go of many things and people.

  44. I absolutely enjoyed this read. Thanking my gf for posting it. It describes me 100%. It’s gud to know others feel the same and that I’m not on a planet all by myself. At 55, I’ve simply had enough! Although there is strictly plenty of me left to share with others, I’ve found, its rarely reciprocated. In my quest to check myself, I am on a mission to not give soo much of things/self. Ppl treat u different when you fall back and let them take the lead, so to speak. Who’s there when you need to talk? When you need a shoulder? When ur in need….? So, these days it’s my daughter and I. Being extra careful not to make her too dependent that even she starts to take advantage (not intentionally). This gets very lonely from time to time. Still ISO that inner me who used to just get up/go! Pop in a party, by myself. Get my fun on and back home I go. If the party is Downtown, Treat myself to an overnight stay at a Hotel of my choice for the eve. I find with all of the increased criminal activity going on in today’s world, I have even discontinued doing a lot of the things I used to enjoy. Things that relieved boredom. Living a paranoid lifestyle was not what I was seeking in exchange. Praying I get back to being my old fun self! Still hv gf’s that I enjoy from time to time. But they have their own lives/families to deal with as well. Back working out (finally) and enjoying it. Looks forward to retirement and the freedom of not having to report.

  45. Wonderful article and so on point. I feel the same exact way. I’m 42, no children or mate and I enjoy my solitude. My family does not understand it, but the few Sistar friends I have understand why I’ve become the way that I am. At the end of the day those who dont get it, F#&! them, it’s our lives anyways.

  46. Yesss to all of this! I’ve found thru experience not to put too much into friendship. Having good people around you is always optimal, but I never understood folks that keep people around them that they don’t get along with, all for the sake of saying I have however many friends. As I’m getting older I realized my patience for energies that don’t vibe with mine is almost nonexistent. I recognize my ornery behavior, but you also have to be leery of how other people affect you. Stress kills. If you have folks around you that always have you on 10, you need to distance yourself for your own good. So many other things that you can be doing to make you a better you, rather than entertaining people that no longer serve a productive purpose in your life.

  47. Let me first say thank you for saying what most have on the brain but lack the courage to say it.I appreciate you and your honesty. I was beginning to feel consumed with making sure everyone else is alright and totally loose myself. I already knew my current situations needed to be removed because I literally feel all of the good within me, being drained out me!! Your words have brought back my piece of mind in knowing walking away from all negativity is okay and I shouldn’t feel bad about putting myself first !
    Once again,thank you and God bless.

  48. Thanks sharing a part of you. It sums me up to a Capital T. I Love your page, your comments on different makeup and hairstyles. You Are A BLACK GIRL WHO ROCKS!

  49. I used to hold on to people in fear that I wouldn’t be the same without them. Like they somehow made me …ME. I put their feelings, expectations, and obligations above mine because that’s what friends do, right? Of course not! The moment I broke away from the groups, cliques, and unhealthy friendships I had to ask myself “WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG.” People didn’t understand why I didn’t f*#k with them like that anymore, but growth does something to a person that the ones you leave behind will never understand! Thank you for sharing this! Omg you made my soul smile with this one lol

    Sherita -Curls Kinks Fros And Me
    Sherita Benson recently posted…My Daughter’s Hair Evolution!My Profile

  50. Hey Lisa. A friend posted this 2 days ago. Your testimony spoke volumes to me and true “life”! I couldn’t agree with you anymore! I concur, I concur….You are on POINT!!! Thanks for your thoughts and sharing✌🏾❤️🤗…Blessings🙏🏾

  51. I read. I related. I released. My attitude is in alignment with your beautifully articulated words of wisdom. Tears brimmed my eyes while my heart absorbed THE TRUTH. Just wanted to say “Thank You” for writing this. Peace, Love and Light to you

  52. Well said! Been trying to explain this to people for a long time but they fail to get it….they think i have “changed” into a bitch! But no….it’s just all that you have said..and I still love each and everyone of them soo much but LIFE takes over and i am just trying to keep sane!

  53. Awesome!! Your words describe my thoughts exactly!! No time or energy! Your vibe/spirit speaks to me either I am good with ya or I ain’t nothing in between!! Folks look at me like I am crazy when I express things similar and I say it goes for friends and family! I used to believe longevity was vital like longevity on a job, but after a 35 yr friendship basically ended during a very dark time in my life I realized longevity didn’t matter. I used to wonder why, but now f it no time or energy to waste!

  54. Great post and I read to read twice because I kept waiting for you to write my name this IS me from the first letter you wrote to the last. Thank you for putting it on paper. I just turned 50 and I am surrounded by people who love and care for me and thank God at 50 I have figured out that I can exist in sister friendships and enjoy and grow. It doesn’t have to be laced with drama and confusion. It is supposed to be laced with truth, grace, and wisdom. India Arie said it best “Strength, Courage and Wisdom” it’s been inside me of all along. Thank God for opening my eyes. Your post was awesome. Be Blessed.

  55. Whew…honey! This is the sum of my entire being in a blog. Getting HERE has been the result of hyper-extending myself always, and never being my own priority. Not anymore. Brilliantly written!

  56. ALL of this 😎… love it! I live through you. Keep up the good work and keep speaking your truth (sometimes OUR truth lol)

  57. I absolutely love this! I have conversations with my close friends on how I’m not in to certain people anymore. I just don’t care to have a large circle, hold on to dead friendships or relationships or fake the funk for the sake of “we used to be close” I’m almost 29 and so far removed from people pleaseing and I can’t ignore vibes that I get from people. Great read!!!

  58. This is EVERYTHING I needed…and MORE. Thank you for sharing this!!! I have always been a people pleaser, and also was last on my list of priorities. I have three children, but still always made time to check on everyone else. It is beyond draining!!!! Now, I work and tend to my kids, while also remembering to be kind to myself. Nothing mean about it! I just don’t have time to keep up with people who don’t care to try on their end. Life IS better❤ You rock!!!!!!!!! Keep it coming😘

  59. You hit the nail on the head with this one. I’ve GROWN to realize that I don’t f*•k with people like that anymore as well and I’m happy.

  60. OMG!!! Finally someone who is able to translate exactly how I have been feeling into words. I am so happy to know that I am not alone. I felt I may have been too harsh feeling this way,but this article was the validation I needed to read. I’m normal!! Yayy ☺☺

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