*Photos in this post were taken by Boston-based photographer, Kaiser of www.vlkaiserphotography.com, be sure to book him for your next shoot!
Last week’s fashion post ranked as one of my top posts, EVER. I’m still getting comments from people who tell me it perfectly summed up their own feelings about friendship. If you haven’t read it, you can and should do so by clicking HERE.
One of the questions I received after that post was from a reader who wanted to know, “what do you do if the people disappointing you are your own family members?” Which leads me to this post. Now, before you continue, I will admit I’m going to be making some broad generalizations. There will, of course, be areas of gray concerning how to move forward in certain relationships. I am not Iyanla, I cannot promise to Fix Your Life because, shyt, my own life ain’t all the way together. But here’s what I can say: decisions about who and what you spend your time on becomes increasingly easy when you value your peace of mind above all else.
So How Do You Live Life Unapologetically?
It sounds cliche, but you really have to become your own best friend, and sometimes, your own mother. I am just as much of a Mama Bear about my son’s best interests as I am about my own. I. Will. Not. Apologize. For loving myself. And when you love yourself, you give next to no fucks about what anybody has to say about what you do, how you do, and why you do it.
This doesn’t mean you are unkind, or that you don’t, on occasion, put someone else’s needs above your own. This doesn’t mean you walk around like your shit don’t stink. Having confidence doesn’t mean that you think you are better than anybody else. It simply means that you value yourself. You care about your well-being. And if somebody is incapable of showing you the level of care and respect you want, you are not obligated to tolerate it. Furthermore, you are under no obligation to offer any explanations or apologies for your intolerance.
Not tolerating certain behavior, however, doesn’t mean that you are angry or that that person cannot hold a place in your life. For me, it’s all about having the proper expectations. People are people. Most of them aren’t out to harm you. So when I make decisions about how to proceed in a relationship, it is done with a lot of consideration. Especially if the person has been an important figure in my life. I’m not running around handing out You Ain’t Shit cards or holding grudges. It’s not personal.
However, if someone’s actions consistently show that they cannot meet my most important and basic needs, it’s simply becomes time for us to enter into a new phase of our relationship. A phase where you cannot hurt me because I’m not giving you the time or opportunity to do so.
When someone shows you who they are believe them