Andre and I just celebrated our 5-year anniversary and it feels surreal. Weren’t we just in Negril exchanging our wedding vows at Rockhouse Hotel?
5 Tips For Marriage Success
While 5 years isn’t that long, we’ve been together 12 years, so I think that qualifies me to drop a few gems when it comes to keeping a marriage healthy and happy.
Have sex. I’m not going to tell you how often, and I certainly wouldn’t tell you to do it when you don’t feel like it. But I will say that when you don’t have it, for whatever reason, it creates a distance in the relationship. Not only that, you’re more likely to fight over little things. I swear, I’m at my pettiest when we haven’t been intimate for a time. And he’s no better.
Hang out together. We both work, have a 3-year old child, and a household to maintain, but we still find time to Netflix and Chill. Literally. We don’t get a lot of alone time, but when we do we spend it just catching up on our favorite shows or laughing at our favorite Instagram comedians. It really doesn’t take much.
Let shit go. I’m a member of the petty brigade. Not only can I drag things out, I can find any and every opportunity to remind that you have disappointed me. I am my mother’s daughter. I can guilt and shame you all day long. Effortlessly. But that stuff won’t jive in a marriage and it will ultimately chip away at your foundation. Let it go.
Marriage isn’t about love, so let go of that notion, too. Your wedding celebration, if you have one, is about love. The flowers, the pretty clothes, the friends, all of that is about love. But the real stuff? The job losses, the health scares, the worry about your children, owning property, making decisions, THAT is marriage, and it’s not for the faint of heart. Marriage is a business partnership. A life-long business partnership. And the sooner you realize it, the easier it will be to organize things so your business can smoothly. Responsibilities needs to be divided equally, with each stakeholder holding up to his end of the bargain. Everyone has to pull their own weight, or the whole thing falls apart.
Practice self care. You can only be happy in your marriage if you are happy with yourself. While it’s important to do things together, it’s also important to take time yourself so that you can be a better partner. Selfcare is different for everyone, but taking time to celebrate and nuture yourself is important.
Say nice things to each other and yourself! Marriage is tough, and very few people can actually hack it. So give yourself a pat on the pack and give your partner one, too! A simple, “You’re a great husband or “you’re a great wife.” goes a long way.