Telling Dark Skin Women They Are Beautiful is NOT The Single Answer To Colorism

I’ve written about colorism twice this week (read HERE and HERE), and after reading some of the comments on these posts, I feel compelled to to write this post.

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I’m not going to dive into the history of colorism, but if you want to learn a thing or two about it click HERE. What I will do is discuss the responses I’ve gotten to the posts I’ve shared. They go a little something like this:

  • “Why are dark skin girls always making a thing of this?”
  • “I’m sorry your mother never taught you to love yourself. It starts at home
  • “When I was younger I wished I had dark skin. Dark skin is beautiful”
  • “You are so beautiful. I’m sorry you felt that way.”
  • “I love my chocolate skin, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve always loved it.”
  • “I have two chocolate grand-babies and they are the cutest ever.”

Sigh

While all of those comments are positive, and we appreciate them, beauty or perceived beauty doesn’t mean anything in our day-to-day lives. In short, talk is cheap.

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If you trusted social media, you might presume that dark skin has always been celebrated. The number of “melanin”-themed t-shirts and hashtags go up by the day, but real-talk? All of that is fluff.  One of the reasons I’ve taken several steps back from creating beauty-themed videos on Youtube is because I’ve found that in order for a woman who looks like me to get a fraction of the views and opportunities, I would have to be damn near exceptional. I would have to be the Lupita or the Naomi Campbell of Youtube. Who can be bothered? Not me. And I’m not blaming it on beauty companies or white people (entirely). I’m blaming some of it on us.  When it comes to beauty, there exists a standard to which many brown women aspire. They want looser curls and lighter skin.  Rather than watch and support the women who look like them, they watch women with features and hair that is not like their own.

Feel free to count me amongst the guilty because I sure did find myself watching Mahogany Curls and Taren Guy videos when my hair was longer.  Whether or not we want to admit it, somewhere during the course of our lives how we view ourselves begins to get screwed up by how society views us. And this isn’t an issue of “lack of self-love” or not having been taught to love ourselves at home. Most parents aren’t running around teaching their dark skin daughters that they are ugly. We do love ourselves. It is the outside world that tells dark skin women that they are less valuable than their lighter skinned counterparts, and that is the issue.

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I think children with dark skin need to be validated. In a world where being racially ambiguous is celebrated, I think it is imperative that girls and boys who possess traditional subsaharan African features know that they are beautiful, too. Lord knows that when I was a girl I felt like nothing standing next to my girls who had fair skin, green eyes, and hair down their backs. They never had a shortage of boyfriends, and they, of course, always had prom dates. Yours truly, however, had to beg some random to take her to prom, and watched all my friends and their high school boyfriends from the sidelines.

But I’m beyond all of that now. I’m a woman of a certain age and I’ve been through enough now to not be so hung up on my looks. I’m also happily married and secure in that department. The truth is,  I just don’t think we dark skin adults need that sort of lip service. Make no mistake, it’s nice to have society say positive things about women who look like me, but saying it and then making sure we are treated and seen just as much as our fair-skinned sisters are two entirely different things.  Indeed, we aren’t fighting for people to tell us we are pretty (while it’s nice), What we rail against is society’s insistence that dark skin is not acceptable, and that we don’t deserve to be seen and heard just as much as other women. That we are so downtrodden, that when one Lupita is hailed as the most glorious dark skin woman on earth, we should all bow down in gratitude. Make no mistake, I love me some Lupita; however, folks act like she’s the second-coming for dark skin women.

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Ultimately, the answer to colorism isn’t just about celebrating beauty. We are more than our looks, and that’s what we want the world to celebrate.  Normalizing dark skin, for me, is one of the primary ways we can combat colorism. Telling me I’m beautiful or have the most beautiful skin you’ve ever seen simply trivializes an issue that goes beyond beauty.

If you Like this Post check out this post HERE, HERE,  or HERE.

If you like my hair, check out how I created this style below:

What do you think might be the answer to combating colorism in our community? Share your thoughts below!

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13 Comments

  1. Your skin is gorgeous and I stand by that. It is in no way meant to trivialize or demean melanin or beauty. It is simply a compliment. As a light skinned woman of color, I recognize, that we all encounter the non-colored standards of beauty. We should strive to embrace the diversity of our diversity.

    1. Hi Ann. I think you misunderstood my post. Please understand this post wasn’t about complements in general. What I am saying is: When a dark skin woman speaks about colorism, we are not talking about beauty or about not feeling beautiful. Colorism isn’t just about beauty, so it is indeed demeaning to simply go to beauty when were are talking about being seen and respected PERIOD. We are multifaceted and mulitalented, and once we get to a certain age we recognize how far being “beautiful” can take you. I,for one, find far more value when folks praise my intellect rather than complementing my exterior. This is not to say i don’t appreciate a complement, it’s fine. but when the conversation is specifically about colorism, folks immediately begin speaking about dark skin as though it’s food, or some foreign object. It all starts to sound like lip-service, and we, as a collective, are tired it. We aren’t unircorns. We’re just like everyone else and we want to be treated and seen just like everyone else.

  2. Esha the Diva says:

    I totally agree and thank you for writing this. I have been saying this forever!

  3. Yahlisia McDowell says:

    Thank you for this post! I am a 19 years old and my whole life I have always felt like there was something wrong with being dark skin when in actuality there is nothing wrong with it at all, it is just perceived that way. This post was soul food it really made me feel a lot better I even cried a little bit cause you hit home for me. I am on the road to building confidence in myself and realizing my many talents. Again I genuinely thank you for this post! You have really helped me me!

    1. You are so so welcome, my love!! xo

  4. Delores(Lolo) says:

    I agree with you,people gets colorism mixed up with the beauty issue,I personally witnessed this with my dark complexion sisters ,people are so cruel, I’m light but me & my sisters looks just like each other ,but they couldn’t see pass complexions & then my sisters feel something toward me that I didn’t Cause! So I get it!!… But no compliments can take the sting of reality away from us as a Race that plays into the hands of Our Brainwashers!!!

  5. Kym Norfleet says:

    Thank you for this. ENOUGH. They post beautiful women who know they are beautiful. It’s annoying.

  6. Tina Scorza says:

    The best way to handle this is to stop comparing yourselves against women who have 50 percent or more of European or other admixture. As a mixed race, hazel-green eyed, long haired, yellow bone (That is what they call me here in Houston), female, would be like me comaprimg myself to a blonde, blue eyed, fair skinned European woman. I don’t care how the blonde woman looks or the sub saharan lady, every one is beautifull in their own way. If you are attractive, you are attractive regardless of your skin complexion, hair, eye color etc. Come out of your bubble and you will probably witness how others find you beautiful, because if you are and if I see you, I will always let you know.

  7. I enjoyed reading this article and I have had similar sentiments about the word “Black” as an identifier. A brillant woman means something different than a brilliant Black woman. As if being Black and brillant is so rare that you must highlight color. Yes, we all find pride being Black, but the announcement of it, all the time seems like internalized racism to me.
    Anyway, that is not why I felt compelled to leave my first comment. In a world of critics, please accept this observation. Lisa, you have always been a beautiful woman. But this journey and evolution is beyond amazing. I truly admire your ability to define what beauty is for yourself and share the wealth of knowledge with others.
    This grown woman Lisa is bold, courageous and gorgeous. I am in awe of your photos and videos because I know that you are a real person and that you are creating you OWN path. Your platform is classy, your articles are well written and you make it all look effortless. You are turning your creativity and passion to profits, while inspiring and empowering others. I know the culture and folks see success in traditional ways, but history favors the bold and the brave. Keep the faith and know that your cheering section is huge. We just have to be louder!!!!
    And I don’t need anyone to make a comment about my comment. I am free to think out loud. Spread some positivity. Take that +/- energy and put it towards something that will be a blessing to yourself or another.

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