I’m grown, okay? Like, fully grown. College and grad school are behind me. Married, one kid, one cat, and life is life. With that being said, I am frequently mistaken for being anywhere from 10-12 years younger than I actually am. Which is nice, I enjoy being carded every now and again, who wouldn’t? However, while I may look like a spring chicken, my spirit is most certainly that of a grown ass woman.
So while I may look younger than I am (to some), when I think of how I process information and simply live life, I realize just how much has changed once I began to fully own my adulthood.
Here are 10 things I stopped doing once I realized I am a grown ass womanL
1, Asking for opinions.
When I was in my teens and and throughout my 20s, I found myself asking a friend or a family member their opinion about every single move I made. From choosing to go back to grad school to whether or not I should move in with my boyfriend, I ran all of my decisions by someone else. Nowadays, I trust my decision-making skills about my own life above any and everybody else. Folks find out what I’m doing after I do it.
2. Expecting folks to put my interests above their own.
5 years ago, I was fired from my job (read about it HERE), and it was life-changing. I had only been there 2 months, was on the fast track for promotion, and had purchased a brand new 30k car just for that job. My employers fired me anyway. After getting a new job and allowing myself to heal from that traumatic experience, I realized that what my employers did in that situation is what most adults have to do. They looked out for their own interests. This applies to business relationships and personal relationships. Life is brutal and we are all trying to survive it with our whits and pockets in tact.
3, Hanging on for too long
When you are younger you rationalize maintaining relationships for a variety of reasons. Even if you discover the relationship cannot satisfy your needs, you hang on. You hope. You worry. You may even discuss your feelings with this person or people, only to find yourself disappointed. People are people, and folks do what they are capable of doing. I trust my instincts and my ability to determine if and when a relationship has run its course. I may not be happy about it, but I believe in the power of release, and the freedom that comes from letting go when it’s time to let go.
4. Explaining myself
#sorryimnotsorry. This blog is the most explaining you’ll get out of me. Who has the time? Frankly, I’m always surprised when adults feel that they owe people explanations for decisions they make. For example, I recently had a blogger-friend DM me to let me know she no longer wanted to be blogger-friends. The conversation, for me, came out of nowhere and to this day, I would describe this conversation as the single-most bizarre exchange I’ve ever had. Our relationship was made up of DMs a few times a month. We weren’t long-time friends, we didn’t chat on the phone (although we had at some point, but I never saved her number), I don’t know her kids birthdays or even her husband’s name. So I was really thrown by the fact that she felt compelled to explain her decision to no longer exchange DMs with me. I don’t believe departures need an announcement. I think there is something to be said about leaving quietly. Life is seasonal, so you may not be meshing with someone right now, big deal? Go on with your life and if you mesh again later on, great, if not, you’ll both survive. What’s to be gained from awkward conversations, especially if you’ve already made up your mind?
5. Being driven by money.
This is not to say I don’t want and need all the coins, because I do, but money is no longer the driving force behind everything I do. One day you have it, and one day you may not. You have to be okay and happy without it, to learn to appreciate it, fully, when it comes.
6. Wanting all the answers.
Who has all the answers? No one, and it’s just a waste of your time and your sanity trying to figure shit out.
7. Feeling as though I have something to prove.
I am what I am and that’s it. I don’t owe anyone anything more than what I can give, and if what I’m giving isn’t enough, it’s not my problem. I don’t have to prove my worth to anyone.
8. Spending time and energy on the people I don’t like and I suspect don’t like me.
This includes family. I don’t have energy for pretense. I’m always polite, but I’m not forcing it.
9. Taking on the role of a therapist
It’s natural to want to try to solve people’s problems, but it’s not my job to take on the role of a licensed healthcare provider in the name of friendship. Friends are your friends. They love you. They support you, and they lift you up with you are down, But asking for all of those things at the expense of your friend’s sanity is unfair. Some friends are up to the job, and that’s cool, but most of us are trying to figure our own ish out. So while I may listen to a friend who is having a hard time, I don’t try to be more than I am. It’s a slippery slope but it’s better for everyone involved when friends leave counseling to professionals.
10. Taking words at face value.
Anyone can say anything, myself included. Does it make it true? And it doesn’t always have to be with bad intentions. I think most of us imagine that we are good people with the best of intentions, and most of us are. But it’s always best to make decisions about who you involve in your life based on their observed behavior. Forget what they may tell you about themselves. How they behave is how I determine whether or not someone values our relationship in the way I need it to be valued.
There you have it, friends! The 10 things I stopped doing once I realized I am a grown ass woman. Feel free to share your own experiences in the comment section below! I may be inspired to add more items to this list!
And if you like this post, click HERE to read my most popular post entitled, “Why I don’t Eff With People Like That Anymore”.
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Thanks for stopping by!