Hell is hot. The earth is round and the high road is overrated. For years, black women have sucked up bullshit in the name of “having class” and being the better person. Who came up with this? I’ve watched women’s spirits dissipate from continuously enduring their significant other’s indiscretions. Many women believe that this is the way to go. It’s a generational practice which we’ve passed on to younger generations. I will not pass it on to my daughter.
Rapper, Chinx, who was killed in Queens in May of last year, cheated on his wife. His widow, Janelli Caceres-Pickens, discovered that his lover was pregnant. She went to his lover’s baby shower and vowed support for the woman and her baby in an effort to show the hood chicks how to be classy. Not only did her husband and his mistress disrespect their marriage but she is accepting her husband’s love child. Oh ok. That’s nice. Listen here! The way my fux are set up- neither baby nor chilla would have shit coming. It’s not her problem. Well, I guess now it is.
I know some of you are thinking, “It’s not the baby’s fault.”
You’re right, but how is that his widow’s problem? Yes, we know that’s her children’s sibling. It has nothing to do with them, either. He’s dead and she shouldn’t feel compelled to care about the other woman or her child. She has her own grief and issues with which to deal. She needs to make sure that her children are coping with their father’s death. More power to her if she finds it in her heart to let bygones be bygones.
My inner adult would say, “She’ll be alright and fuck yo’ mama.”
I know some of you reading this may think that I’m a heartless bitch. Maybe. Maybe not. Meh.
I didn’t always feel this way.
My daughter, with my husband, is my only child but she is his youngest child. When our daughter was a little girl, I felt it was important that she was close to her siblings. We lived in different states but on a couple of occasions; I reached out to his children’s mother and set up a visit. My daughter was so excited. She was about 6 years old. I spoke with the mother, made the arrangements and we were all set. The next day, I called to meet her with the kids and nada. She never picked up and my daughter was heartbroken. The more my daughter cried, the more I wanted to punch her siblings’ mother in the face.
Honestly, it wasn’t her duty or mine to bring our children together. I get that now. I didn’t then. And just as it wasn’t important for her, it’s not important to me to worry about someone else’s children with relation to my baby. That’s my husband’s job. In reality, it’s every man’s job to forge those relationships between siblings.
Grown women can make a choice either way. Black women are NOT obligated to take the high road. It doesn’t make you a better woman. The other woman doesn’t feel horrible or ashamed while you extend an olive branch or prove how gracious and well-behaved you are. Unfortunately, you are suppressing your justified anger to pacify someone who doesn’t respect you.
I’m not saying to go and whoop somebody’s ass (after all we are grown, right?) but you aren’t required to accept anything for which you’ve not signed up. Stop teaching our girls this bullshit. Both trifling parties can clean up their own damn messes. Maintain your sanity and take care of yourself and your family. Black men need to be accountable for their own fuck ups.
It’s great that Chinx’s wife and the mother of his child can co-exist peacefully, if they like it, good for them and their families. That being said, the onus is not on us to seamlessly blend our families, and and play the role of the bigger person. Don’t we have enough on our plates? The toll on black women’s minds, bodies, and spirits is just tew damn high. Enough, already.
I’m not teaching my baby to take Ls. Not for her daddy. Not for her mama. Not for anybody. I suggest that my sisters follow suit. It’s a new day.
K. Araújo, a native Detroiter, is a cross between Claire Huxtable, Rosie Pérez and Millie Jackson. Widow, professional dragger of filth and Mami to the dopest Ethiopian EVER, she is the Editor in Chief of “Negra With Tumbao” and a Staff Writer for “The Urban Twist”. Keka has been known to shake what her mama gave her, is the hell and high water, an expert salsera and cussologist with a penchant for the finer things in life and is and forever shall be- unapologetically black.